Wednesday, March 14, 2007

To do list:

Today, on my only, wonderful day off, I have many things I need to do. First:

1) Schedule dog appt: Six took off a small chunk of my husband's face on Saturday, when he unwisely decided to show Six who's boss and take away his bone. Six gave him all the signs that he wasn't in a good frame of mind-- he's been acting up in general lately-- and he took a warning nip. Sadly, Jake's face was in the way, and he lost a little scrap of his lip (gross! gross! ewww! I got to put it in a baggie to take to the ER. 25 stitches!) Mr. Six is now in quarantine for 10 days, and he seems to be calming down. I can't help but wonder if he was freaked out from our being gone most of last week, and if he's caught a whiff of spring fever. I think he secretly likes being isolated in the back room, away from the wiles of the cat who has become his nemesis. Jake of course now wants to get rid of my beloved Mr Six, and it makes me sad-- Jake can be a bully and try to show everyone in his household that he's the boss, with very much the same reaction-- Six just did what we all wish we could do, if our teeth were sharper. What kind of a dumbass would try to show up a growling and defensive dog? I love my Mr Six, I really don't think it's fair; he really didn't mean to bite, and he's been through so much lately :-( I'm sad for Jake, too, that he has stitches and will likely have a scar-- no, the dog shouldn't have nipped him, but when you back a defensive animal into a corner and threaten it, what can you expect? Boo.

2) Library: I owe the library $ on a pretty regular basis-- I'd better get my books back before I owe them some more.

3) Clean my house: Yeah, I better get right on that...

4) Grocery shop: Man, this day is looking more and more lame. I realized the other day that the reason I am likely "depressed" (I am using the term loosely. No, I'm not a candidate for shock therapy. Yet.) is that I NEVER get the opportunity to be myself, either due to a lack of funds, a lack of companions, or a dwindling lack of imagination. I watched "Stranger than Fiction" yesterday, after a 4th attempt-- and I had a brief flash that, given a change in circumstance, I would have been the Maggie Gyllenhaal character in the movie: creative, spontaneous, irreverent-- an individual with a beautiful lightness of being, instead of the heavy, clunky oppressive figure I have become. I used to have so much FUN, and now-- fun is so hard to come by. I really like my new job, I think there is fun to be had there; I'm uncertain at this point if I want to pursue a regular FTE, as I'll get paid less (but probably about the same when you add in the PTO accrual and benefits), and be tied to the position, which tends to take some of the fun away. Plus, working at 6:30-- getting the kids off to school, working all those unpleasant details out is a bit of a brain drain (and being coherent at that hour would be hard, and 10 hour shifts... eek! But at least I'll have less days at work during the week, and theoretically more time for myself when I'm off. Yippee!) Hopefully, I'll get some kind of raise this spring; it's not looking too good, for the first time....
I wish my irreverent spirit wasn't so threatening to my husband, who wishes I'd be more like him: asleep, contented/numb, single mindedly obsessed with fishing and being most satsfied when alone (not alone with him/me. Just alone.) I'd like some wacky friends for spontaneous adventures; I am chomping at the bit to go and do and see and not be content to sit and do nothing. I need to get out and explore the world around me, but I really don't want to do it alone. 99.9% of all the people I've met in the North have been dull-- no sense of adventure, never want to do anything, can't break out of their daily life of humdrum obligation, Yawn. I'm desperately bored, but lack enough imagination to figure out how to solve it. Sometimes I think it's intentional, since if my life started expanding, I wouldn't have so much time to cater the the hubby and kids-- but they need to get lives of their own, really and truly. And the little that they do indulge me, they don't seem terrbily happy about it. Waaaaaaaaaaaah!

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