Sunday, July 29, 2007

Dinner!/Cherry Tomato Salsa, Pickled Beet Salad

Tonight, my hubby and I mustered up the ambition to tackle the tangled mess we call a garden:
After much sweating and swearing, we extracted some good sized ears of corn, a ton of beets, some onions, cilantro, jalepenos, and at least a million yellow pear and cherry tomatoes (and a child sized zucchini we named "Bob").

I love planning dinner around the summer garden; we had some amazing buffalo steaks, fresh corn, beet salad, and salsa with chips tonight, with cold slices of yellow watermelon for dessert. It doesn't get any better than this!
Now, if I can only find a recipe for Bob...

Cherry Tomato Salsa
1 clove garlic, pressed or finely chopped
1/3 cup cilantro, chopped
2 jalepenos, finely diced (include some seeds if you like some heat)
2 cups cherry tomatoes, cut into quarters (chopped if you prefer)
2 tb fresh lime juice
salt and pepper to taste
Mix all ingredients and chill

Pickled Beet Salad:
5 cups beets, boiled, peeled, and sliced
1 cup apple cider vinegar
1 cup water
1/2 tsp whole allspice
1/2 tsp whole cloves
1/2 inch cinnamon stick
couple peppercorns
1/3 cup sugar
Boil vinegar, water, sugar and spices for a couple minutes, stirring occasionally. Pour mixture over beets, stir to coat, and chill.

p.s. completely unrelated country-girl fact:
if you give a mouse to a chicken, the chicken will eat it.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Television Epiphanies:

I am soooo totally calling in sick tomorrow; I worked 11 hours today with a blazing headache and a sore throat, seeing double all day from wearing an ancient pair of glasses ('cause Molly ate my glasses yesterday, little monster). It was non-stop running for 11 hours straight, and I still feel like I'm moving, even tho I've been standing still for a few hours now.

I'm supposed to be training for yet ANOTHER job in the am, and although I know I should never turn my nose up at paid employment (and I heard that this job is amazing, working with fantastic people), I'm just not thrilled to be taking on more responsibility right now:
I need a break. I'm tired as hell and resentful that I have been working so much, and continue to be responsible for 99% of the household and children, as if the fact that I'm skilled, knowledgeable, and highly paid still only qualifies me to be the resident underwear scrubber in the household.

I have become middle America in my exhaustion, and as such, have been watching endless hours of television tonight to numb the pain: I watched an hour of "Wife Swap" and an hour and a half of the beginning of "Gray's Anatomy" on DVD tonight, bleah.
I know that they make everything soooooo obvious in the medical shows, but I found such excitement at trying to guess the implied diagnoses: "Tetralogy of Fallot!", "PE!", as if anyone in the household cared that I used to be a whiz about all things obscure and medical.
When I watch these medical shows, I can intuitively see why I chose the "mommy route" over 48 hour shifts of a 7 year residency; the two don't seem terribly compatible, unless you have an incredible amount of help (which I don't).

Is it considered lost potential to give up a lucrative, rewarding career to raise your family (even if nobody gives a rip but you)? I've known more than a couple (female) Drs who has given up full time practice to raise their kids (or left practice altogether), so I know I'm not alone at acknowledging the challenges. But a part of me wonders what could have been, had I not limited my options in the ways that I did.
Under different circumstances... who knows what I could have accomplished.
But, no matter. I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell headlong into this situation, and feel confident that I will eventually work my way out of it. Someday.

I was also pondering this evening (whilst perusing the quality show: "Wife Swap", where a nice Christian lady swaps with a fallen pastor and his drunken punk rock wife) if the main reason I have lost intetest in the church of late was that I ultimately realized what bullshit my abilities are to fulfil God's plan to be a good wife and mother: since my hubby wants me to work (and be his "partner", as he insists), how is it possible that I can be available to maintain an organized, peaceful household? I can't, Goddamnit.
I tell you, he's gotten what he wanted; I'm working all right, but there's no peace or order in THIS household, and we've not taken a single vacation in years (like I'm going to tromp off to the wilderness NOW like we used to-- when would I get laundry done and the house clean if we're gone for the weekend? Who would pack and prepare for a week away when I'm gone all day, every day? No one, that's who. So we don't go. )
I love love love working and having $$$ to spend on eating out (who can cook after an 11 hour day?), pre planned vacations (Disney Cruise!!!), and paying for expensive stuff so I can get away with ignoring the children... but deep down, I know that it sucks, and it makes me mad. Mad that I accomodate what I know is wrong, because I'm weary of feeling insecure because I'm not giving my husband what he wants. And he's not happy anyway, as if there was some way I could DO even more, BE even more.
Anyhoo... (deep breath). Enough bitchin'.
TV puts me in a complain-ey frame of mind, and I really need a day off, if for nothing else but to finnagle a new pair of glasses, register Grace for school, un-register her for CC, figure out her transportation with the bus co, pay the day care (like I was supposed to LAST WEEK), get the dog in for shots, and any and all such unresolved family crap that is solely my domain, as resident underwear scrubber and bullshit juggler.

Friday, July 20, 2007

3 Pounds, 17 more to go..

It's been 10 days, and I've lost a grand total of 3 whole pounds! (if I can trust the junky Wal Mart scale that reads something completely different everytime you step on it, even 30 seconds later).
It's mega birthday season, with Jake's, Jacob's and various family member's birthdays all falling within a short period of time. With all the cake and crap food circulating around, it's a wonder I've lost anything at all (if indeed I really have...).
I threw a healthy food birthday party for Jacob, which was fantastic: snacks were grapes, 3 types of melon, those Flat Earth chips, and low sugar (aspartame free) juice drinks. The kids could have cared less than if it was Doritos and dip, they loved it anyway. My mom threw the tiniest monkey wrench into the mix by offering coney dogs (??), chips, and broccoli-cauliflower salad (which I love, but is full of FAT), but I abstained fairly well. Jacob's cake was probably the best I've ever made, with a new recipe of milk chocolate meringue frosting I made up (tastes like the filling from a Milky Way candy bar), and I only had a little tiny sliver, which was painful as all get-out.

I worked my ASS off yesterday in the gym; I was nasty sweaty and actually kind of smelly after 45 minutes on the elliptical (Thusday night TV is the BEST for mindless exercise, as is the B-52's "Private Idaho" and the Prodigy's "Voodoo People"), 20 minutes of weights, and another 10 on the slidy thingy before they kicked me out at closing time. Man! I love to exercise! When I think of all the things I could do if I only had the time, it blows my mind: I could be buff and slim, speak several languages, go back to school (I'm thinking Nurse Anesthetist these days... I love to put people to sleep. I think I'd also like to work as a NP/PA in the ER/Urgent Care, as I love to suture and deal with bloody messes, too. Decisions, decisions...)

Now that the kids are getting older I can see the fruits of my labors and see my way to the finish line, where I can spend more time pursuing the things I put on hold to raise them: hobbies, exercise, self improvement, education and career; things I knew would interfere with my being fully there for them while they were young. I am soooooo ready to get some of those things back, my lean, muscled body being one of them.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Hell Week, #2

Rah Rah Rah!
3/4 of Hell week is completed (Hell week #2), which, to be perfectly honest, really hasn't been in the least bit Hellish... it's actually been kind of FUN.

Yesterday was the only crunch day, where no one brought their films, films weren't delivered, Cerner was down, charts were missing... but it calmed down fairly quickly as the morning progressed. I made a patient hopping mad and had to deal with that (because I didn't give him what he wanted), but it was the only *truly* stressful part of the day. Yippie! I survived!
Tomorrow is the Neurosurgeon's clinic, with 20 some odd patients to manage in usually under 4 hours. I'll wear my running shoes and be sure to jack myself up on coffee and sudafed for the am, and hope for the best. So far, so good!

I have been DIETING, if anyone is at all interested... I started taking that Alli product, which is supposed to prevent absorbtion of fat into your digestive system. However, rather than use it as an excuse to pig out, I've been treating it as a sort of Antabuse for chubbies, as I am soooooooo afraid of the so-called "treatment effects"-- the cramps, uncontrollable BM's and "greasy gas" you can get from eating too much fat. Ack! As if! I'd have to quit my job and move out of town if I had some sort of greasy gas/uncontrollable GI issue in public somewhere, and as such I've been avoiding treats and fatty foods altogether. No cakes, no potato salad, no Culver's.
And of course, I've not lost a pound. Boo.

It's been fun running around like a crazy person working and such, but I'm really looking forward to having some time off with the kids (and by myself!).

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Time Suckerrrrrrrr.....

Life has been frenetic at best, and I hope when all is said and done, I am filthy stinking rich for all my troubles... I've been working an insane amount of hours, and hating (almost) every minute of it. Boo.
I worked 10 hours in Neuro today, and finally told my co-worker that I was going home-- she was planning on staying another hour or so, which blows my mind. I am simply PRAYING that I don't get overwhelmed next week while filling in for her-- what a shitty job! I anticipate ignoring the phones as much as I can get away with, telling people that the regular nurse will be back soon to help them out, and skating by with as little trauma as possible (to mySELF!).
I couldn't function if I knew I had to go to that job each and every day; it never ends, the endless phone calls that lead to six more inane phone calls (can you tell I HATE talking on the phone?), that ultimately lead to telling hard working people that for some ridiculous reason, their insurance company won't pay for this medication or that important test...
I knew the world was crazy, but I really had NO idea the extent to which we all are fucked: the Government couldn't help *itself* out of a national disaster (I learned this horrifying fact during my stint in Public Health), and the medical racket relies primarily (solely) on a handful of insanely overpriced meds, paid for by aforementioned hardworking people, so Doctors and Nurses can stuff their already overstuffed asses with Drug Rep food and the "professionally poor" can save their $ for more important things, like cars and clothes (and trips to Florida, as one of our Medicaid patients is doing for the second time this year. I'd just like to be able to go to the stinkin' Dells for a couple days!). Oh, and passing the buck so many times to other providers that are likely not covered by your insurance to the extent that you will gratefully give up pursuing a "cure" to just be done with the whole mess.

Note to self: don't get sick.