Saturday, March 17, 2007


Things I want to buy: coffee grinder, more decaf.

I want to cut back on my caffeine intake, and drink 1/2 and 1/2. I would also like to get off my PMS meds/OCP's, since they don't seem to work anyway-- I keep getting break through bleeding about a week early, which I'm sick of, and I have no sex drive/response (altho if I saw my husband more frequently and he talked to me and didn't openly ignore me when I'm speaking, I can't imagine the tremendous impact it would have on my interest in sex. Plus, I bet I'd respond favorably if I felt he didn't think I was an unattractive slob. A compliment or 2 once every few months would be nice, esp after I get dressed up and try my best to "clean up". Someone somewhere used to think I was hot...). The hormonal fluctuations are bothersome, but I'm hoping if I cut back on caffeine, exercise regularly, and maybe find something herbal to help with anxiety/stress.

I have discovered that I really like listening to conservative talk radio-- odd. It makes me feel like I am connected to the world, and able to participate in it if need be.

I spoke with my hubby today, and shared with him that I want to be done with renovations on the house for the time being (except those that are required-- like fixing the flowing river in the basement). I want to put the house on hold until we pay off some of the mortgage and stop trashing what we've already completed. I hate the carpeting and the bathroom, but putting in new flooring and putting on a master bedroom is not worth not being able to take vacations. Instead of paying for tuition for Grace, I'd really like to put at least $500 on the mortgage in addition to what Jake is paying, so we can knock that down asap so we can start vacationing. I really want to take a snorkeling trip, with a focus on sun and beautiful water, possibly a trip to Hawaii ($$$$$) and a trip to Austin soon. I have no guarantees my hubby will want to do anything once we are "able" to, since the only vacations he has ever suggested in all these years have revolved around sleeping in a tent, hiking 20 miles with 50# packs, and fishing trips. But, maybe I will find some cool friends who would like to escape for weekend getaways.

I would really like to get better at addressing/doing some of the things I don't like to do: walking, exercising, paying attention to finances, etc. I want to be more fully awake, but it just never seems to work out. Jake and I still don't have a joint account, I still have no idea how much $ he makes per week, esp with all his overtime (and we've been together, what-- 13 years?) Somehow, we are only getting like a $175 return on our taxes, and I can't fricken believe it! I guess it's better to get our money each paycheck instead of "loaning" it to the govt, only to get a portion of it back with no interest... what a bunch of BS.

Grace and I had a nice blowout today-- that girl is so rude to me, which is crap. I pay such obscene amounts of $ each month for her to be such a raging brat. It really makes me mad-- at least when she went to public school and screwed up, I had the option to get sucked into it and involved, or not. With all the money I'm shelling out each month for school, lessons, clothing, stupid $40 lunch field trips, I am forced to participate-- and I'm completely broke to boot! So she's a crabby bitch, I'm not happy to have to put up with her, and I have no money and no way to have fun to compensate for my misery . Some parents revel in the fact that they don't mind sacrificing vacations and other family nicities to send their kids to CC, but jeez! Grace is such a miserable thing to be around I'm not feeling the joy of being abused by her and happy to pay $600 each month for the priviledge. Public school, here she comes...

Six is doing better-- I'm ready to lock him and Charlie (cat) up in a room together and make them sort out their differences. That doggie loves me! Jake seems to be ok as long as I entertain the notion that we will be getting rid of Six-- I even put an ad in the work classifieds, which I would be surprised if anyone answers. Humor, humor-- the key to a happy marriage! Altho, to be honest, I so rarely see my husband and speak more than 4 sentences to him to be sure if we're happy or not. I'm not happy never going or doing anything, he's not happy with a chubby wife (on the high end of the NORMAL weight scale for my height, if you cared to know, but I think he's be ever so much happier if I was 5'10", 126 pounds, with a D cup. Ohwell.)

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