Sunday, October 14, 2007

HoHo No!

natalie dee

I've been crabby in my head for a few days (i.e. nobody knows I'm crabby but me, which can get a little exhausting pretending not to be the crabby bitch you *really* are all day long) .

Sometimes the lunacy of the world and it's inhabitants really gets to me; the selfishness, the denial, the narcissism... (and that's just in my immediate family! 'nuff said).

Part of it, too, is that I can tell it's getting close to the "Holiday Season" (you know, that reeeeeeeeeeeeally long stretch of time before Halloween, which lasts until 5 minutes after the presents are opened)-- the season that triggers anxiety that it's soon going to be dark ALL THE TIME, that I'm going to be perilously tapped out for funds and stressed about $ between now until February, that I'm going to be coerced with much guilt to participate in traditions that are meaningless to me and mine (even tho we're the only practicing Christians in our entire family, but 'nuff said about that as well).

Some random woman came into my office the other day and talked my ear off, which strangely enough, seems to happen frequently when I work over there. She mentioned with much enthusiasm that she was getting her breathtakingly fabulous X-Mas decorations out this weekend, and bemoaned that fact that OTHER members of her extended family HARDLY DECORATED AT ALL!!!! if that was some kind of blasphemous crime against all children everywhere.

So let's just get this out in the open: I hate to decorate!!

I hate to drag a bunch of dusty crap out of the cobwebby, musty, spidery basement, haul it upstairs, clear out all my regular junk (all of which is dusty and neglected, too, as I'm not a fan of dealing with the everyday crap, either...), find a spot for the everyday stuff, and spend scads of time throwing the sparkly stuff around, like I'm some sort of undiscovered Las Vegas interior decorator...... only to have to clear it all out in a few weeks.

Drudgery, pure drudgery, I tell you. Just more thankless shit I feel womanly-obligated to do in a long line of thankless tasks. Bleck. I wouldn't mind putting up the groovy silver tinsel stuff I got from the Target at 75% off clearance a couple years ago if I could leave it up all year round (it goes oh so well with the Pee Wee Herman/Monkeys Drinking Coffee motif I have going on in the dining room). We DID leave up the glittery disco ball I got from Pier One on mega clearance all year, but I'm not sure if that was a stroke of decorating genius or sheer laziness (it goes well with my funky e-bay paintings... but then again, what doesn't?)

Not to mention the sheer "I don't get it-ness" of the Halloween season. Wouldn't it just be easier to skip the elaborate costume and buy a couple bags of snack size candybars for your very own? You could get exactly what you want (leaving those icky peanut nuggets at the store where they belong), and save yourself the trouble of trying to pretend you're really not 15 years old and scamming for candy. I suppose Jacob's still young enough to participate, but he never gets interested until the day before, or day *of* Trick or Treating, and try scrounging up a costume THEN. And what's with all the dead people stuff, too-- the disembodied heads, the ghouls, witches, etc? Dead people are not in the least bit entertaining, and have the capacity to smell REALLY bad, and only the goofiest of the goofy people believe in ghosts (we have a whole group of ghost hunters out here in sticks-ville. OOOOOOoooooweOOoooooooooo. Losers.)-- and witches? Worshipping trees and the elements of the earth is not creepy, it's comical. And maybe a little sad.
Case in point: I went to a pagan gathering in my day and witnessed a "Pagan Wedding" that was held in the nude, and the happy couple had to hop in the back of a hot van while bound at the wrists and consummate their "vows" while everyone tried not to stare at the everyone else's wrinkles and rolls. It was naaaaasssstay! Especially when the betrothed hopped out of the van all sweaty and drippy; it was an ewwwwww moment that I will never forget.
Anyhoo, life is going very well otherwise. I've been working just enough to keep me from going crazy and being broke (I have a loooong stretch in the next couple weeks where I'm not working much-- God help us all! Nothing goes better with boredom than shoping and endless, cyclical rumination). I've been thinking about trying something different for the holiday season (I do this every year, with no success)-- maybe a trip somewhere, where we can leave shortly before the hard core festivities begin, and arrive back home just in time to have missed them all (whoopsie!). But I know that guilt will prevent me from making any progress. Boo (no pun intended). Any suggestions?

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