Late night drunken ramblings..

Ah! Some time off tomorrow AM, how wonderful! I worked 9.5 hours today, which was nice to make up extra time I won't be getting anymore at the Walk In. I am finally feeling the possibility of detaching somewhat from my kids/husband, that they won't shrivel and die without my constant presence, and it is incredibly liberating.
On the work note:
I'm not used to having clients who "decline" (so to speak), so today was very sad, as I had a frequent flier today who was walking and talking and grumping at me last week, but who couldn't recognize me today. Last week he threatened me with his cane (in a friendly way--- he knows I could take him!), and this week, he's in restraints. It'll take some time to get used to that. Most of my clients are in the last stages of their lives, and I do feel privileged to share this time with them... they are all awesome older adults who have lived incredible lives-- but what I can see most clearly is that in the end, you are all alone, with only yourself to keep entertained with the resources you have. A lot of the folks I see seem relatively disappointed in their families; I don't know-- sometimes I think we invest too much in them, only to be left alone when it really matters. I think if you can draw people to yourself at any stage of your life; random, everyday people-- you will never feel alone. I love to chitty chat with people.

I am so totally going to make these cupcakes for my last day at the Walk In tomorrow (at least for the entire freaking month of FEBRUARY-- I am so bummed!) : http://www.flickr.com/photos/12266682@N00/370089996/

I am always trying to win the staff over with treats, but most all the ladies are among the diet boo- hooers (give it up! you'll never be thin in this occupation!) and rarely eat my amazing confections. Or, they eat one, and cry about how fat they are, instead of lauding what a culinary genius I am (tee hee). bitches.
I could seriously use some chocolate RIGHT NOW, but other than downing 1/4 bag of mini chocolate chips, there isn't much out there. Diet cocoa is good, but only if you make it with milk and eat some chocolate chips first (a good handfull).

Dinner Party!

Yes, at the ripe age of 36 (almost 37...), I hosted my first Dinner Party!!!!! In true Cyndi fashion, there was no guest list, no planning-- just the stirrings of an idea before coffee on an early Saturday morning. I called a couple people, had no ideas, mulled it around, and ultimately decided to have a few people over for drinks.
Still no ideas, I putzed around most of the morning, pretty much forgot about it-- didn't hear back from anyone, wasn't sure what was going on... then about 1 pm EVERYone I called said they could come, what was the plan, etc and etc. Whoops!
So at 2pm, I dropped Gracie pants off at her bass lesson, picked up a couple "Everyday Food" magazines from the library (which ROCK, btw), and picked out a few recipes. I still had about 45 minutes to kill, so I ran in to the Pick n Save and started throwing the menus together: Chicken tostadas on white corn tortillas with homemade salsa fresca and salsa verde; a pinto bean, corn, and avocado salad, pea and avocado guac with pita chips, and margaritas. I had no dessert planned, but figured it probably wouldn't be necessary.
About 20 minutes before anyone showed up, I still hadn't showered, I looked a fright-- but I had a dessert epiphany: I would cut up the little cakes I made the other day and had no plans for, make some dark chocolate ganache, cut up some strawberries, and serve it with fresh whipped cream whipped up with some Ghiradhelli cafe mocha powder sort of like a parfait (oh yeah!).
The food was fabulous, the conversation was quite nice, and the dessert was a hit. Wahoo!
I drank perhaps a bit too much, and had a hangover this am. Being the slacker i am, I of course blew off church-- and to illustrate what a bad mom I am: as Jacob #2 was leaving the house with dad en route to Church, he asked why asn't going. So I told him "mommy isn't going to church because she has a hangover". To which Jacob promptly stated that he was going to tell his Sunday School class. Feeling no shame, I replied: "good. maybe they'll pray for me and my hangover will go away quicker."

One Week Later..

I had really hoped to blog more this week, but life always seems to get in the way... I think mothers tend to run themselves ragged with the best of intentions (whilst the fathers relax on the couch. grr).
Anyhoo, I've been jonesing to get on the blog and write down my thoughts, as if seeing them in print will somehow make them more clear (and more likely to stick to them?)
I was offered another job this week-- one of my (many) pathologies. I love love love to apply for and interview for jobs, esp when I start to get bored/dissatisfied with the one(s) I have. So I work 3-4 jobs, get run down, freak out, melt down, and drop a few of them--only to start back up a few weeks later. I must have worked 13+ days in a row a few times in the last couple months (which really sucked, btw). Do I do it to talk my mind off the doldrums in my life (I hate the Thanksgiving-to-Christmas bleck fest)?
I really need to resolve to make it work with one job, to take ownership of one aspect of the world and master it, once and for all. And just for the record: I'm not so much one to "run" from my problems/conflict, etc, as much as I have an uncanny ability to "detatch" from them and walk away with nary a second thought. (Pathology # 2? Again, one of my favorites!)

Success!

My new spot is really PERFECT for exercising! So no excuses, right? I did 20 minutes of yoga today, which was really cool, and I made sure to take great satisfaction in kicking the dogs out and closing the door (and hide from my husband, who I could peek at from under the curtain while he was busy shoveling outside. I felt so sneaky!).
Today was a FUN day, very productive (only one nap--I love days off!). I spent a good amount of time transferring photos from long-forgotten CF cards, from long forgotten vacations (a la 2005). I'm still not 100% sure about the process, but am not feeling too hopelessly old and out of date;-)
On another note, hubby and I decided last week to dust off an interesting book he got a few years ago in a desperate attempt to rev up our romantic life-- "101 Nights of Grrreat Romance". Of course, being in schlumpy mommy mode several years ago, I spurned the idea of anything associated with more sex... (one suggestion from the book: "Take nude photos of yourself and surprise your lover"-- yipes! As if!) But, now that the kids are older and less able to burn up all available brain cells/energy, it's time to jump back on that horse...
My card I drew for today (you draw secret idea cards, and then have to do what's suggested inside, plus/minus horrifying naked photos) was to serve my guy breakfast in bed, and then stay in bed as long as possible (hubba hubba). Which was all well and good, easy even. I bought a lovely blueberry coffee cake, placed it on a vintage platter and surrounded it with fresh, ripe strawberries. I changed into a nice nightie, took my hubby by the hand, led him into the bedroom............
only to find our dog, happily feasting on the coffe cake. God bless 'im.
Well, we *do* spend more time laughing than staring longingly into each other's eyes, so we had a good laugh (cut the narsty part out of the cake, and we still ate the rest). Welcome to my world...

Enthusiasm.

Of course, it always beging with the best laid plans: as in, I planned to exercise, but am finding myself way too amused by the blog to even start. As in, I entered TWO blog entries today, and will likely promptly forget about it for several weeks (in addition to the exercising. And the dusting of the new computer).
Ohwell. I'll take my enthusiasm where I can find it.

In the Beginning...

Life is good-- I got a new laptop, which launched an incredible spate of cleaning and organizing... amazing how one small addition to your life can create an avalanche in the "To Do" dept. I had to (of course) completely re-assess the space the new computer was going to live-- and when I discovered what a dusty, grimy mess the computer desk was, that was all she wrote. Next thing you know, I'm surrounded by garbage, boxes, knick nacks pulled from shelves, and millions of dustballs. Bleck. It only took all Sunday (minus one short nap) to get it all pulled together. My room looks eerily feng shui, whatever that exactly is...
In any event, the ultimate goal, beyond eliminating gross dustbunnies that keep my nose honking all winter, was to be able to have a space large enough to actually exercise my flabby ass in privacy and comfort. If I try the "Belly Dance" workout in the living room, it becomes great sport of entertainment for my critical children (and smirking husband, who probably doesn't realize the extent that my cellulite really does pucker under pressure. Yuk. Best that remains a mystery...). I also love that I won't be kicking the handrail of the stairs, shoving a dog aside that wants to smell my crotch mid lunge, etc and etc. You see, one of the firm selling points of the laptop, other than the fact that it propels me into the next century (um, the 2000's, which is spiffy) of technology, was that I could watch movies on it-- at camp, while camping, etc and etc. I could hardly believe the other day when i hooked it up that it actually WORKED! (as did the CD burner, which will surely launch me into another tailspin of techno-organization-- photos rotting in the basement and in CF cards, here I come!!!)
I feel as if I am moving in a new direction with my life, and it is good.