Monday, September 29, 2008

Therapy...

... has turned my brain to mush, and now all I can do at the moment is drink a lovely chardonnay and listen to the "Milkshake" song, over and over and over again on my iPod (in my defense, it's the DJ Zinc version, which is somehow way cooler and makes this less creepy).

I've known for many a year that it's best to keep my personal pathologies under wraps, deeply buried, away from the prying eyes of spectators. And as a venerate naval gazer from waaaay back, I'm already well aware of my problem areas, diagnosed three generations back, with those even in the periphery sorted into tidy DSM IV classifications....
So why, o why, do I need the validation of strangers to confirm what I already know?
And what exactly will I do when all my scary parts are dangling in the open air, exposed for all to see (yick! once those beasts are unleashed from their restraints, will I ever be able to tuck them back into the tidy package they were crammed into all those years? Doubt it)?
And once my analysis really gets rocking, does this mean that I will be forced to stop smoking crack, beating the children, and sleeping with random men I meet at the local truck stop?
Soooooooooo unfair!
Or will it mean that I'll end up living in a cardboard box by the railroad tracks once my selfish attempts at self actualization fall flat???

Sounds fan-freaking-tastic, and I get to pay big ole $$$ for the fun of it all!
PMS+ analysis=one shitty day:-(

I leave you with this synopsis of my inner turmoil du jour, one of the more entertaining ones:

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Bleah!/Pumpkin Pie Custard

Lazy Sunday, not much going on... amazing how much and how little you can get done in the span of a day when you're slogging thru, barely paying attention.
Didn't make it to the groovy outing this weekend, which bums me out a little; but I don't know exactly how I would handle more evidence that I am wasting the best of my years worshiping at the feet of the Blockbuster movie club, or more acknowledgement that some people's worlds are interesting and large, and mine... well, mine is not.

Ah, PMS! I feel your sweet embrace!

Perhaps THAT could be why I am insatiable lately, didn't even consider it until I pulled out my appointment book (phone) and mapped it out-- damn! When I worked at a women's health clinic years ago, I was always amazed at how 14 year old girls knew with amazing accuracy when their "friends" would arrive... me, I'm pushing 40 and still have no clue.
Could be why everything is making me crazy, including this stupid keyboard in which the space button, for cripes sake, isn't working correctly. Considering that this is where the children play their games/do my space, etc, there is likely enuff food under the keys to feed a hungry toddler... it's a wonder it works at all and I should be grateful, instead of wanting to throw the whole thing under a moving train-- gar! Soo getting tired of having to go back and put all the spaces in between the words, wahhhhhhh!

Interesting weekend, to be sure. Grace's counselor suggested that we try and do something with the girl, something she wanted to do, in an effort to spend time with her/get to know her/etc. Never you mind that every time we try to talk to her, she tells us to either "shut up" or "go away", and tells us "I don't know" when we ask her what she would like to do.... so in the absence of the slightest idea, we gleaned a little:
She was talking earlier in the day about some shop she and her friends had travelled to the day before, which had some items she really liked.
So off we went, in search of things to buy to demonstrate our parental interest and love.
So where did my daughter take us???
To a head shop in Racine, ick!, which reeked of patchouli, incense, and other such things I swore off years and years ago. I mean, really-- is this crap genetic? Girl knows very little about my past (she could care less, as surely it was lame and of no interest to a hipster like herself, lol!); about my travelling with the Grateful Dead (had to chuckle at the vast array of Jerry and GD merchandise... um, most of those geezers are long gone), and my opening a shop much like this one (only like 1000x nicer; no drug paraphernalia, nasty piercing stuff... it was all handmade artwork and imports from India, Guatemala, Bali, etc).
So I'm standing in this shop with my kid and I'm thinking: "I don't have any clue who this girl is anymore", this teenager who (unbeknownst to me) has been dilating the piercings in her ears (my appeal that she will have droopy gramma holes that will never heal fell on deaf earlobes; she pulled out her piercing and I almost fell over when I saw the gaping hole, so gross!), this girl who is standing on the precipice of being just a little too much like me as a young person-- only way younger, much more immature, and much too eager for all the trouble that surrounds her.
Me, I was so much more of a spectator: found things fascinating, yet was unwilling to commit to any one lifestyle and would move on to the next shiny and interesting thing as soon as I felt I had figured the old one out (I was also somewhat concerned about getting in TROUBLE: didn't want to really get too involved in anything that might be a problem later, you know, if I wanted to run for public office later in life, tee hee).
Daughter, however, loves it all, and it makes me a little nervous.
We ended an unsettling afternoon by stopping by the Old Country Buffet, where Grace used to love to go with her grandpa. Place is quite the melting pot, I'll tell ya: there was a 450# lady who was talking about her pregnant 14 year old and how she needed another trip to the dessert bar, if only her arthritic knees could carry her there; a booth of fine Hispanic men who looked like they wanted to eat my daughter for dessert (and my husband, the sweet talker said "they were even checking YOU out", as if a booth full of men who would screw any drunken thing they could immobilize for 45 seconds wouldn't be so desperate to oogle an old broad like myself-- hey! If you don't have enuff sex appeal to entice those sorts of guys, you might as well just sew it up and move in with the nuns next door).
Oh! And then there was the group of ladies who were with a baby shower who were standing next to me at the salad bar wearing nametags that said: "Baby Poop", and "Spitup", etc : mmmmmmmmm! That's a tasty visual, ho ho ho. Good thing the folks from NAACOG weren't meeting there, with humorous nametags that read:"Pap Smear", "Genital Warts", or "Herpetic Lesion", might have been a little yucky... but I suppose, now that I think about it, me and the ladies from work could get in on the fun: I could be "Irritable Bowel" (get it? PMS???), and someone could be "Colon Polyp", and another could be "Bowel Prep", wheeee! We could hang out by the gravies and gross people out into eating their mashed potatoes dry...

Anyhoo, told ya I was bitchy!

Fabulous PMS food (and low carb, for the most part..)

Heat in a pan for 10-15 minutes, stirring constantly with a spatula:
1 15 oz can pumpkin (I threw in a cooked sweet potato that we had left over from dinner the other day, too)
Bunch of ginger (1-2 tbs fresh or 1-2 tsp ground)
1/2 tsp cinnamon, to taste
1/2 tsp nutmeg, to taste
1/4 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup sugar free vanilla syrup

In a separate bowl, mix 1 cup milk with 4 eggs until well blended. Whisk in pumpkin mixture until smooth.
Bake at 325 degrees in a casserole dish that is immersed in a larger pan filled 1/2 full with water. Bake for 50-60 minutes until center almost set; prop over door open with a pot holder and allow to sit for 20-30 minutes until custard is set. Refrigerate overnight, and try not to eat the whole thing for breakfast... Jacob really liked this served with extra maple syrup, lucky little dude! Soooo glad we have a gallon left until we can make more next spring:-)

p.s. my bad knee is getting wonky, completely blue about that as well. WTF will I do if it blows out, and I can't participate in my acts of daily absolution?
Won't end up doing all 3 classes tomorrow in an effort to be cautions, just spin and swim. Pretty sure it was the stoopid scuplting class "walking with resistance bands wrapped around your feet" thingey that messed up my ligaments, boo. And I've been trying to be so careful! Anyway... I remember reading something somewhere (hazard of reading 6 things at once... minimal retention) about your joints and ligaments being more labile during your special girlie time, bah! Stupid hormones!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Constant Craving...

The diet has been clipping along nicely the past few weeks; haven't lost a pound in like forever, but the tidy sensation of self control is highly gratifying, even if it amounts to little more than self induced S&M:

I have been SUCH a bad girl lately tho and in much need of discipline, craving food like crazy... and not necessarily foods I can't eat per se (went to an ice cream shop tonight with the fam and didn't bat an eyelash), but just wanting to *eat* and *eat* and *eat*. Maybe it's all the spin classes et al ramping up the appetite, but I don't like it AT ALL; much easier to whip myself into submission when I could care less if I ate or not, but not so much fun when I sit during an entire 2 hour movie and have orgiastic fantasies about bunless cheeseburgers and chocolate raspberry ricotta smoothies (eating one now, as a matter of fact... blend 1/2 handful of frozen blackberries, 2 tbs unsweetened dark chocolate powder, 1/4-1/2 cup skim milk, 1/4 cup lowfat ricotta, a glug of sugar free Kahlua syrup... eat with a spoon and try not to moan so loud you wake the kids up).
I am *sorely* in need of a plan, where to go from here so I don't keep feasting on nuts and sprouted grain crackers every time I'm at a loss for what to put in my mouth.

Sing it, KD; girl knows just what I'm talkin about:

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Guess Who..

...I ended up sitting only a couple feet behind while I was on my scooter, waiting for the light to change?
Sporty Guy!!! (ooOOooOOOOooooooo!)
Seeing that he wasn't moving at a high rate of speed for a change, didn't have mirrors to catch me peeking, and wasn't looking back, I took the opportunity to investigate at length the muscles of his famed dreamy thighs, his sinewy arms, his complete lack of body fat... sigh! Even his bike is slender and sexy looking, a far cry from my Pee Wee Herman put-put bike with my big ole mom basket.
Why do I see this guy almost every day, every where, allover the place?
One of the great mysteries of the world, no doubt...

Something completely unrelated:
You know what I miss???
I miss living in a low budget girlie pad, where none of the decor costs more than $6.99, and the "window treatments" are nothing greater than cool pieces of fabric strategically pinned to the curtain rods. Being a fully fledged grownup is certainly weighty in a number of ways, keeping up with the Joneses a fine aspiration, but give me a place where there is little worry about how sterile the joint is vs how cool and interesting your stuff is, and I'd be a happy happy girl. Bah! Being a member of the middle class is HIGHLY overrated.


Or your house, neither, cause I'll prolly mess it up and make it look like Pee Wee's suburbanite ranch, bike and all.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Ow!

Discovered something new yesterday:
Sculpting class is wicked evil; I could hardly walk properly today...
And another fitness tidbit to mention: when you are already having difficulty walking, doing an hour long spin class is soooooo not a good idea. It felt GREAT while I had the endorphins flowing, but they all seem to be absent now and the ibuprofen has since become a weak balm.
Had a wee little stressful sort of day, had a million things going on, and didn't have time to eat dinner. Thusly, upon arriving home at 9:30 PM, starving like mad, I had a scarf of desperation that would have made even Dr. Atkins hurl:
4 slices of bacon (cold), a scoop of cottage cheese (directly from the container), a handful of nuts, a 1/2 package of sprouted wheat crackers (it was small..), 3 sugar free chocolate candies, and a sugar free fudge bar. Damn! I guess if you're going to cheat and eat like a cow, you should do it up properly... at least I didn't gorge myself on carbs.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Politics (as much as you'll ever see from me)...


Bwahahaaaahahahahaaaahahahaaa!

Did that "3 hours at the gym" thing today again, and feel a whole lot better than I did the first time 'round... in fact, this morning I was sweating it out in spin class (which is normally not my thing that early), and I'm doing just great, really getting into it, and the guy says: "Ok, this is our last song"... I was like: "say what?" and cranked my resistance up as high as I could stand it.
How'd that happen??

Love love loving getting back in shape; it's become quite the fun little addiction, and I'm totally not hating the results, either. I started a bellydance class this past weekend as well, but sadly am not sure if the class will continue, since there aren't enough participants. Maybe it's just karma trying to keep me from humiliating myself, from shaking my thing (thang?) on stage someday for all to see, but it's been fun practicing my lil bellydance moves all over the house. I've known since waaaaay back in my club hopping days that I was a closet hoochie dancer; get this girl some platform heels, a mirror, and something to twirl around (oh! and a martini..), and I'll be happy for hours on end....but best to keep such things private;-)

One more thing:
More oddball fun! Anybody want to go with me? Guaranteed to make you scratch your head in consternation for weeks to come; a wonderful diversion from politics, the collapse of the economy, chronic boredom, and other such unpleasantries. Plus, you get to hang with me, which is usually good for a chuckle, wheeeeeee! (I'll leave the platform heels at home, promise...)

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Friends:

Not 100% sure I've drank enough wine to get the creative juices flowing... some days, the posts just flow from my fingers into creation; other times, they need a little jump start...

Can't even begin to express how nice it was to *finally* have company over today; there's something about sharing where you live with other people that makes you see your life in a new perspective (sometimes good, sometimes bad, tee hee).
And I truly do feel that if it wasn't for company, I'd NEVER clean beyond the most obvious:
Starting at 7 am, in frenzied anticipation of witnesses to my poor housekeeping skills, I was cleaning the faces of the cupboards, washing the grates to the stove, etc and etc... we women are ruthless when it comes to domestic self abuse, so no matter how much I cleaned, dusted, tidied, and downright *hid* piles of clutter, it never seemed like it was enough. I even gave the chicken coop a quick brush up and weeded the gardens a bit, der!
And who really cares? Cause unless Martha herself was coming to call, no one would likely notice.
Can't tell ya, either, how much fun it is to hang with our old/new friends, Todd and Lynn:
Is it really that strange to be friends with your teenage boyfriend and his wife, even if the teeny bopper romance ended over 20 years ago? Really??
So do you think Jerry Springer will be showing up at the door anytime soon...
and will he notice that the chicken coop is in disarray and the gardens are a mess????
Sigh!

Friends are hard to come by, especially those who knew you before life got so complicated, so I'm not going to over analyze...
*Fun* people are hard to come by as well, so I'm glad that any awkwardness can be overlooked and we can enjoy the newness of friendships begun and those small bits of familiarity of the best and oldest of friends.

Damn! Now I've drank too much, and I'm sleeeeepy:-(
There's so not a set formula for liquid inspiration, and it seems I've overdosed... off to bed, to face a chaotic week of working too much and catching up on my finances, wheeeee!

p.s. read something interesting tonight, written by a man who recently ended his own life:

" Because here's something else that's true. In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of God or spiritual-type thing to worship -- be it J.C. or Allah, be it Yahweh or the Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set of ethical principles -- is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things -- if they are where you tap real meaning in life -- then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already -- it's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power -- you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart -- you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on.
Look, the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're evil or sinful; it is that they are unconscious. They are default-settings. They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing. And the world will not discourage you from operating on your default-settings, because the world of men and money and power hums along quite nicely on the fuel of fear and contempt and frustration and craving and the worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom to be lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default-setting, the "rat race" -- the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing.
I know that this stuff probably doesn't sound fun and breezy or grandly inspirational. What it is, so far as I can see, is the truth with a whole lot of rhetorical bullshit pared away. Obviously, you can think of it whatever you wish. But please don't dismiss it as some finger-wagging Dr. Laura sermon. None of this is about morality, or religion, or dogma, or big fancy questions of life after death. The capital-T Truth is about life before death. It is about making it to 30, or maybe 50, without wanting to shoot yourself in the head. It is about simple awareness -- awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, that we have to keep reminding ourselves, over and over: "This is water, this is water."
It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive, day in and day out."
http://reno.wsj.com/article/SB122178211966454607.html

Thursday, September 18, 2008

25 Miles:

The weather in the Great North has been gor-ge-ous the past few days... and as such, have not been the least bit sad when getting sent home a little early from work, even tho I am on the verge of being broker than broke;-)
Yesterday, I lounged outside in the shade and felt the breeze on my face, the indirect warmth filtering thru the leaves of the maple tree; I leaned back in the lawn chair, closed my eyes, and tried my hardest to pretend it was still summer. Lovely!
Today, I got an itch to make a run to the library, my 7 mile easy loop, as a prelude to my evening spin class. I was sloow and tired, didn't want to push myself too hard knowing what was in store later at the gym (hell, that's what). Picked up so many good books and a pair of yummy shoes from my favorite thrift store (they were quite the slutty find, considering they came from the Christian Charity resale shop, tee hee), that I could barely get everything home-- thank God for bungee cords...
It's funny, in a weight loss/fitness situation, that plateau you reach when you've lost quite a bit of weight and are more fit than you've been in a long time... and thus are fit and slender enough to start comparing yourself to *everyone else*, bummer. Which then begins to illuminate how much more weight you need to lose, and then that rosy glow of accomplishment begins to fade.
Tired! More later...

Hey Ya!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Gar!


Girl needs a cocktail, like, 2 hours ago...

Between the children's drama and other such unpleasantries, here sits I, trying to concoct a low-carb girlie martini in lieu of dinner: unsweetened cranberry juice, stevia, vodka... or should it be: sugar free irish cream coffee syrup and vodka?
Desperate times call for desperate measures, just hope I can choke it down.
And here's to hoping the hangover doesn't keep me from spin class and my trip to the police station tomorrow... cheers, motherfuckers!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Awkward:



Every once in a blue moon, life presents you with evidence that whilst you are numbly making your way through the average middle class experience, some very interesting things are afoot... that while you are doing laundry or watching another lame movie from the Blockbuster on another Saturday night, people are interacting, having heaps o fun, and experiencing life in strange new ways.
Enter the Miltown Kings with Dead Man's Carnival up at the Miramar, beloved venue where we saw the Ditty Bops last year:
Not 100% sure what the evening's entertainment had in store, just that it was some sort of vaudeville drag show-slash-carnival-- how could it NOT be cool?

I was the slightest bit confused when I saw that the ticket taker was a gal with a mustache (or was it a dude with boobs??) and wondered for a second what the deal was... and then when a couple really solid, squarish women with manly haircuts kicked us out of our seats it started to become more clear (how bullish! there weren't assigned seats, tee hee).
Well, slap me silly, but I had never heard of a "Drag King" show... and I thought I was at one point quite the worldly girlie, bummer. Anyhoo, the show was well done, the emcee absolutely hilarious, the performers really talented (the striptease with the ample bootied, small breasted woman was, hmmm, interesting... not the source of titillation I suspect it was meant to be, but inspiring that another woman from my tribe of "chubby girls with no breasts" was comfortable enough in her own skin to strut her stuff on stage for all to see). Since it was my stepdaughter Emily who suggested our evening out, I leaned over at that point and reminded her how lucky she was to have us for her parents, or the whole experience might have been a little..... awkward;-)

The fire juggling act-- cool! The skinny dude in the dress who stripped down to a thong that was clearly too grande in the pouch-- not cool! (sorry, skinny dude.. my open mindedness of body imperfections is fairly limited to women).

As we were walking out of the theater and eavesdropping on a group of gals, I overheard one of the ladies say: "yeah, I think I may have met you already-- we made out one time outside a club, but I never got your name"... snort!
Overall, a fascinating experience, and long overdue.
And much kudos to the husband, who was willing to be dragged--yet again-- to something that would make the average man run screaming into the night.. it's why I married him, after all:-)
In homage, I present to you Ms. Ani DiFranco:



p.s. got me some Ani tickets for her Madison concert next month, oh yeah!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

18#:


As of a couple days ago, I'm down 18#, can't hardly believe it:-)
Only 10 to go.... (ok, is that starting to get a little creepy, 'cause that # is never going down? As a former Miss Annie Rexic I guess I'll need to watch that, but figure I'm pretty darn safe for about 30 more # or so, tee hee)
In fact, pulled on a pair of those jeans from the shop-a-thon the other day, and even out of the dryer are a little baggy now. Hmmmmmmmm...spin classes clearly rock as equally as they suck major butt.

SO crazy busy these days, and as a result screwed up Grace's Dr's appointment AGAIN: between the gym, work (+ new job), school (and my school, which hasn't even started yet), the kid's schedules, maintaining the houshold, etc, life is kicking my ass right now, and we's just getting started.

Speaking of ass kicking (and I'll list these in order of importance): got me butt kicked in spin this morning, go figure. Maybe I'm just not a morning person, but slogging thru and then doing swim aerobics really hard works out well...
Oh! And I also bought 3 esssspensive Aveda lipsticks at the salon today (quite the splurge for me) in dark, rich shades. Husband, in addition to not completely liking the 'do, sniffed at them and asked why I didn't get a frosty pink one instead-- gar! Thought guys liked full, dark red lips. Men... what a mystery (the mystery being how long it will be before he gets any again, truly)!

Here's something a little silly:


And something a little sad:


Just for funs, I rode my bike to the library at full speed in my highest gear-- the ENTIRE way. Sheeeeee-ooooot: Just a few spin classes and I've already kicked up the self abuse a notch. I was doing pretty darn good, too, until I got to that last gigantic hill. I had hoped to sprint up, but instead crawwwwlllled up-- but still in the highest gear (used to be spinning my wheels and panting at 2 or 3, a different creature altogether at 7, wheeeeeee!). Love love love to kick my OWN ass, too, I guess. Prolly need to take a number these days, tho-- yah.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Woo Hoo!!!


Normally, I would think a song like this was totally saptacular (being a fairly non sentimental person, except recently..), but this was the song that pulled me thru a *really* intense spin class tonight, and who would ever have thought???

This would be class #3 for me (4 total; the first one scared me off spin for *many* years..), and only wound up in spin after being tricked into it today, as I swore to my limpy self that I would take at least a day off.

I was feeling antsy after my day of shopping and cool restaurant-ing (details to follow), so felt a need to run to the gym to do a quick Zumba class to give those traumatized biking muscles a rest.

Turns out, Zumba class was cancelled, dangit! and who would mosey over but the spin instructor to invite me--personally-- to come to spin instead. WTF??? How could I say no???

My hopes were very low that I'd make it thru the entire class: I was still sore from yesterday's workout, and was tired and hungry-- energy levels low from a long day.

Sigh! So I jumped on the cycle and hoped I wouldn't kill myself. The songs the instructor played were tunes I normally would have sniffed at, not the high energy disco-ey songs I'm used to, but they were perfect, SHE was perfect, a nice change from the 2 other classes I've taken this week.

And you know what??? I DID it!!! I completed the WHOLE class, cranking up the resistance, standing, sitting, sprinting, keeping the RPM's where she wanted them (breaking new speed records for me), hallelujah! I could breathe better, knew mentally what to anticipate, which made it sooo much easier to push through my fear of not being able to keep up, it was amazing, and so much sooner than I thought it would take. Yay, encouragement, so needing this today, right now:-) Slipped a pedal during a sprint, too-- OW! Got a nice purple goose egg forming on my shin; looks great with all the other pedal scrapes and ankle gouges from the Door County trip...

Speaking of encouragement, was able to squeeze into the next size down in jeans today.. not the best, most comfortable look for me (part of the "I can't breathe" collection for fall), but still cool noetheless. Made me feel bad for buying like 7 pairs of jeans that fit (to go with the 7 boobie shirts I bought last week; since the girls are shrinking they would like a wee bit of recognition before they disappear altogether...), but I won't cry if I need to go down to the next size in a few weeks, oh no I won't;-)

Tracey and I also checked out a vegetarian restaurant I've been dying to try: Cafe Manna in Brookfield. What a gorgeous preplanned community! So clean! So new! In spite of Brookfield's almost scary perfection, the Cafe seemed a wee bit less pretentious.. my tofu on a bed of greens with grilled vegetables was tasty and Tracey's portabella sandwich looked good, but always very nice to have another opportunity to see that I can cook circles round those shi shi folks, tee hee (excellent at both vegetarian AND non- sorts of cooking, I guess I just rock that realm, in a "really bad hobby for a dieting girl" sort of way...) Nothing will ever compare to the vegetarian restaurants in Austin, but it was nice to try something a little more local.

Sleepy, sleepy... working a shift and a half tomorrow...

Monday, September 8, 2008

Never Never Never:

Do a spin class, followed by an hour of intense swim aerobics (totally wiped the floor with those gramma's in the class, lol!), with an hour of crazy scuplting afterwards.
Oy!
Girl has felt sapped, I tell you, all day... not sore, just on empty, despite drinking a ton of water and even eating some steel cut oatmeal (=carbs, thought it would give me energy.. it didn't).
But I spose it didn't keep me from mustering the ambition to clear my drawers and closets of **8** bags of clothes, shoes, and whatnot (even blew the great "culling of the holey bras and underwear" event out of the water, which I think was only *3* bags).
So it was a good day, a painful, exhausting day, a day of letting go:

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Bad:

Here I sit on the patio, enjoying the cool fall air, on what would be an otherwise ordinary Sunday, coffee in hand...
...waiting for the dog to barf, again.

Since Grace works at the local custard shop, she has brought more ice cream into the house lately than we've had in all our years combined, and had set a few containers of the richest, darkest, double chocolate-ey chunk stuff on the counter last night to make room in the freezer for more.
So what did I find this morning when I stumbled out of bed??

Chocolate: all over the floor, the counter, the cabinets, the rugs, the couch.. it was like a chocolate massacree had happened while I was sleeping, unaware that such a thing could happen so quietly.
And so, without even missing a beat, I walked into the bathroom, drew up a 5cc syringe of h2o2 and squirted it into Maggie's chocolate smeared mouth.... and waited, and waited...

Success! Fortunately, it was a more pressing need than I thought (and not unlike an archaeological find, if you will...) for contained therein was an entire ball (chewed up into large chunks), 1/2 of a stuffed animal, the entire contents of the cat box, and a fully intact tampon.

Welcome to the life of a displaced country girl! (Or am I a city girl who has been displaced in the county for most of my years? I'm confused)...

It was fun being outside for a change to see something I haven't in a while: people cruising down the highway can catch the briefest glance of our tipi as they pass, and sometimes will pull onto the service road to get a better look... ya gotta wonder what they think when they see it sitting there in the prairie grass, and then see me on my computer looking all nerdy and blogging, and then picking a discheveled tampon out of the dog's mouth (she tried to gulp it back down again, and ate most of the ball before I could stop her...).

Heard this song on the radio this morning, reminded me of something... sure wish I could remember what (tee hee; being forgetful can be entertaining, sortof, cause someday it will remind me of a dog barfing, and I won't remember why exactly...):

p.s. Bono with no shirt on? Hubba hubba! Lost 15# btw, can actually see my waist, my belly is 95% flat, arms getting slimmer... did a spin class on Thursday, and got my booty kicked into next Tuesday, but was encouraged by a very nice class participant who assured me that it takes at least a month to be able to do the whole 45 minutes all the way thru. Don't think I've sweated so much in my ENTIRE life, and wasn't even *doing* it correctly... looking forward to kicking it's butt someday in the near future; it will be quite the accomplishment and confidence builder, and should coincide round about with meeting my weight goal (10# left to lose, +/-, the spin should help me get over the plateau).
Great summer, overall, sad to see it go.. more on that later.

p.s.s. (later): one of my *secret* fave bloggers, JenIG visited my blog! Ooooo, and since she is the very nice Christian gal I have long aspired to be, I quickly scanned the blog and tried to clean it up, much as I would if she had stopped by the house... but instead of throwing the dirty laundry down the basement stairs (and closing the door) and hiding the many piles of clutter in the oven, etc, I was deleting evidence of my potty mouth, much more rampant of late (je m'excuse!).
Oh, and another thing. On the bike trail this am I discovered that there are TWO plaid shirt guys!!! Except this one was heavy set, older, and had a bushy beard. Good thing, too, otherwise I'd never keep them straight....

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Sushi!

Funny how things run in streaks, and the strangest things, too. It all started yesterday, with a free moment and an impetuous decision-- well, two impetuous decisions, really.

You see, free moments and myself can be dangerous, landing me and mine in all sorts of folly. In my spare time, I have all sorts of opportunities to plan, scheme, and jump headlong into stuff that sounds like fantastically rational things to do at the moment I decide to do them....

Sooooooooo, after years of planning, researching, talking with people, changing my mind, getting 65 separate informational packets sent, I have enrolled in a Master's program!!! In a couple hour's time, I had spoken with the enrollment coordinator, filed my application, sent for my transcripts, and written a 3 page "Statement of Professional Goals", wheeeeeeeeeee! The program itself is quite unique (and fully accredited, btw), offering one class to complete in an 8 week time period, with completion in two years. I don't know 'bout choo, but doing only one class at a time sounds fan-freakin-tastic, and soo less schizophrenic than the 4-5 classes at a time of programs past. And there's a 10% discount if more than 5 people enroll, and 20% off if 20 + people get on board-- and ya'll know how much I loves me a discount! I should be beginning Oct 20, with books (included in tuition, wtf??) being drop shipped-- did I mention that the entire program is online? Did I mention that I am in love?? Oh yeah! And since the community college I've been adjunct-ing with for years has requested a new contract with me for this semester, one can only speculate a lovely clinical experience teaching there, and an equally sweet lil job a waitin' for me when I graduate (ok, that's projecting something awful, and tempting the fates to boot, so I'll erase those thoughts from my brain).

I also joined the gym today, and quite characteristically forgot to attend classes tonight-- so it's already going swimmingly (no pun intended-- there's no evening swim classes, har de har har).

And since Jacob had a fabulous day at his BRAND, NEW SCHOOL: he not only goes to school with several people he knows in one form or fashion, but made a new friend... oh, and did I mention that unbeknownst to us, his best friend since age 5 unexpectedly decided to enroll!!! Crazy, crazy times, and happy ones for a change. School and my kids are not always on the best terms, god bless their antisocial and antiestablisment lil hearts (lol! really, it kindof bums me out...). Oh, and the dude signed up for violin, too-- and instead of being $80/month, is FREE (me like free).

So, enroll in master's program, good day at school for kiddo... maybe we need to go to HONADA, that new sushi place I've heard a ton about and isn't too far (Kenosha)??? It wasn't hard to get the boy on board, but had to twist a little arm to get the man out the door...I even dressed up for the occasion, which was a little exciting (for me, maybe the man, too;-).
Since I wasn't 100% sure what to get, I figured getting the largest and most obnoxious thing on the menu would be useful, so we were presented with the "Party Boat" (and no, the party boat sushi was NOT wrapped in weed vs the traditional nori, as one sassy person suggested; miso what-was-that-again, btw?)
I've included a photo for your amazement:

The sushi was INCREDIBLE, and we did our best, but couldn't even come close to finishing the monstrosity... so with the leftover fish tonight, I very lightly cooked the stuff up (cause there's no telling what it picked up in our nas-tay fridge overnight, cesspool of spilled stuff and assorted biohazards it is), and made a ton of rolls:And I've even included a RARE photo of moi, all sweaty and unkempt from my toils of sushi making:
After yesterday, I'll let you in on a little secret (so shhhhhhh! don't tell): sooo not really a fan of sushi. I much prefer the rolls, tyvm, vs plain raw fish. Something about an overwhelming ick factor, visions of liver flukes and such (blast! that nursing education and all it's paranoia...), and having to gum a sometimes nasty, gooey bit o raw fish. Cook it the tiniest smidgen of a bit, and I'm on board, 100%.

p.s. even got tomorrow's dinner on the docket: asiago cheese and spinach sausages (a la Sam's club), sliced and served on pita bread with tzatziki sauce, sliced cukes and tomatoes from the garden... happy times to be organized, wonder how long it'll last;-)

p.s.s.: mighty excited about politics these days, looks like our gal is the REAL DEAL, and then some (scroll all the way down to the end of the post).

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

We Be Campin'!

Camping and blogging, who'd a thunk? The way the world's spinning, headlong into technology that reaches into the wilderness family vacation (ok, Door County isn't the wilderness... but there's still very few places you can get a cell signal) one can't help but be thrilled:-)
We got off to a late start on Monday, so much so that we weren't going to make it to the campground in time for the 11 *PM* deadline... so we finally had the happy experience of camping at the Door County Walmart-- classy! We had always heard that you could spend the night there in the parking lot, and there you have it: we can cross that one off the list of "tacky things we must do before we die".
So then it's wake up early, pick up some last minute purchases, and head out to the campground, all at the decent hour you should have made it the previous day if you were the punctual type.
The campground was not too crowded, I suspect because those from the Land of Lincoln went back to school this week, and we have since decided to make this the official camping week for evermore.

The weather was gorgeous, the bike trails sublime. The kids were crabby (quelle surprise!), so Jake and I took the motorcycles out on the peninsula for a ride all by our adult lonesome, wheeeee! We met the friendliest couple from Oregon who travelled all this way for the Harley reunion-- amazing! What an incredible thing it must be to have a passion that can take you places, I really need to look into that...
We determined that it would cost a whopping $70+ to take the kids and the cycles on the ferry to Washington Island, and would it be worth it??? That truly is the question of the day, an excellent indication of how little stress we're feeling, ahhhhhhh:-)
We twisted arms big time to get the kids on the bikes for an ice cream run, sigh! Its getting harder and harder to entice the kids to get up and moving... they enjoyed their gigantic custard sundaes while I munched on an apple, and being the less geebed out afterwards, kicked their butts on the ride back home (I felt so good, I rode up the huge hill to get out of the ice cream place TWICE. I remember being *barely* able to get out of there the last time we went a couple years ago, and each and every time before then..)
Of course, the ride was spectacular, stunning, breathtaking (I'm running out of adjectives here, so let's just say it was pretty dang fabulous) and funny, since I remember the trails as being a little more grueling than they actually were, go figure. Either the ride wasn't so bad because I wasn't hauling dead weight in the form of a bike trailer or trail-a-bike (one of the few advantages of parenting adolescents, yippie yahooey! I flew past those poor trailer draggers and tried very hard not to gloat, tee hee), or my daily self abuse back home is increasing my stamina. Either way, I'm loving it.

It got dark waaaay too early the first night, and since I neglected to bring any evening entertainment, the boys went promptly to sleep while Grace and I twiddled our thumbs-- it was only 9 pm, for cripes sake! So we girls mustered up the ambition to make an evening trip to the beach to check out the stars (and fairly uncharacteristic of our lazy, scaredy cat selves). The beach also happens to be the only place in the whole gigantic campground that has a cell signal *and* a place to charge Grace's phone, so off we went.
Being the ever smart girl, Grace had the brilliant idea to bring a lantern, a tiny thing that I scoffed at: as a self proclaimed master navigator, I thought for sure that we didn't need a light. After all, I had my phone (which casts like a tiny flicker of light, woo hoo), and we were just going to the beach, an easy, 5 minute walk from our campsite.
The night sky was breathtaking, you could see every constellation and galaxy with perfect clarity, making for excellent stargazing. That, and Grace could return all 600 of the texts she received when there was no signal, and I could sit and read my favorite blogs by the light of the stars. We felt like quite the clever girls, mixing the very best the world has to offer: the night sky, the wind blowing off the water, the faint call of an owl... and reading the Crunchy Con blog and Natalie Dee comics.
Thought we'd see other techno addicts hiding out by the light of the moon, but we were the only ones, compounding the feeling that we are worse off than most, but no surprise there.
At around 11, the lure of the camp bed beckoned, and so I set off alone with my trusty iPhone, as Grace wasn't quite ready to head back. And off I went into the pitch black night... feeling the confidence that I initially had of my stellar navigational skills flicker and wane with each step I made. Where the hell was I anyway? Which direction was I heading-- and was our camp this way, or over that way? I had no flippin clue. All of a sudden the panic crept in, even tho I was only a 2 minute walk from where I started: I was lost, in the pitch black, and was flooded with visions of wandering around in the night aimlessly until morning (the greatest fear being that I'd miss my morning bike ride). The panic went straight to my gut, a ridiculous thing, since I knew how to get back to where I started and the bathrooms nearby (if only I could get there in time!). It was a strange reaction, one of those sympathetic "fight or flight" things I'd heard about in nursing school but thought was far below my civilized self.
I was walking as fast as I could-- all the while FREAKING OUT--listening to the sound of my flip flops as they hit the trail beneath me that I felt but could not see. Gar!
Made it back, just.in.time... to wail my lost status to my totally UNsympathetic daughter (I even texted her "I'm lost", to which she replied "like I care"-- evil, bad daughter;-).
I convinced her that we needed to leave right then and there with her lantern so we could make it back together, and THE SAME FREAKING THING HAPPENED AGAIN. We got totally turned around, weaved and bobbed on our way to finding the trail, and got stopped by the Rangers, who were no help at all, really. I think they thought they were busting a couple of teens drinking on the beach (hence the weaving), and told us the trail was "over there" (yah, we knew that... but finding it was another deal altogether). So off we went again, like big time dorks, feeling for the road beneath us to guide us *somewhere*: our first attempt led us out of the campground altogether, so we backtracked, looked for landmarks barely remembered, backtracked again, and then went for it and picked a path. It was the wrong path, but thought we remembered that it took us to the camper (Grace thought it was in one direction, I thought it was the other.... and mom overruled).
THANK GOD! After wandering around in the dark for 45 minutes we made it back to camp, humbled and grateful... and shamed, as the "clueless girls who should never venture out" we truly are. No more will I boast about being able to find my way in the dark sans flashlight, for even with a light source was still able to get myself lost, boo (and no, Jake was not worried and thought it was funny, said: "you two should do that sort of stuff more often", sheesh!)

UPDATE:
The rest of the vacation was pretty chilled, the kids sleeping in as long as possible, me taking long bike rides in the early am (averaging 15- 30+ miles per day).
I can't describe how beautiful and fun the trails are to ride: I'd start out by the beach (and check my emails, tee hee), ride along the shore, a knotty trail with great little hills and sharp corners... I've taken a liking to riding my bike as hard as possible, using my upper body to pull the bike up, over, and side to side, showing it who's boss (fully realizing that one day it will throw me over the handlebars and really let me know..). The sensation of flying, of maneuvering my body to work with the rise and fall of the land was incredible. The best way I can illustrate the joy I felt was when I saw a little 7 or 8 year old girl on the trail, pedaling her bike with abandon: she would stand up, sit down, pedal like crazy, and cruise... you could see her turn her head to catch the wind to blow her hair, and she'd smile a full face, radiant grin, showing the pure elation she felt as she flew down the trail. That's how I felt, like a kid again: the pedaling almost effortless, climbing the hills with a sting and a burn, with the absolute thrill of riding downhill as fast as possible, pulling the bike to and fro to avoid tree roots and rocks, feeling strong and alive.
Each trail opened up to a new and gorgeous natural feature of the park, one better than the next: the first being the shoreline, and then the woods and bluff (my favorite! You'll be climbing some to get there, but your ass will thank you later. The views are breathtaking, and the ride down a *ton* of fun). One way takes you up, up, up the bluff even further, the other only part of the way, but both eventually take you to an open meadow, a basin lined with mature cedars and prairie flowers. Soon, you'll find yourself at the Ranger's station, and it'll be time to head back the way you came, so you can revisit all the gorgeous spots all over again, before you end up back at the beach.
I tried to get as many miles behind me as I could before the guilt set in that I was holding up the family, but no one seemed to care.
We rented double kayaks on our second day, which was an incredible upper body workout and *tons* of fun. I've been trying to get Jake to ok the purchase of a couple decent kayaks for us and a Sunfish (sailboat) for the kids, and maybe I've convinced him now... we are the toy family, for sure, and are so blessed for it!
We paddled out to Horseshoe Island and explored the trails (in a bikini and flip flops, what a woman...), where Grace was accosted by a millipede and narrowly escaped with her life.
Paddling back was a pain as Grace decided she'd rather be the passenger vs an active paddler, but I was able to amp up my endurance by singing Fiona Apple and Ditty Bops songs (thank god we were out of hearing range for anyone) and make it back in time for our 2 hour limit. Man! Did my shoulders hurt so good the next day:-)
The kids hung on the beach quite a lot, I rode my bike, Jake did a little of both, and we were able to get the kids out for one motorcycle ride out to the end of the peninsula-- beautiful! On the return trip, we stopped in Ephraim, to find a cute but misplaced hippie couple singing and playing slide guitar, with the girl occasionally doing hula hoop tricks (a la Cirque Du Soleil?). Being in the midwest, most folks initially looked confused as to what to make of such free spirited goings on, but eventually relaxed and it became almost normal to see people expressing themselves openly in the public square.
It was nice, took me back a few... I remember being free that way in other parts of the country, and was it the place that made it possible, 0r was it just who I was at the time?
I think it was mostly the location: Santa Fe, Tuscon, and parts of Texas being far more open to artistic people, but of course was a completely different girl back then (and sometimes I miss her).
Jake and I wrapped up the trip with one last motorcycle ride out to Bailey's Point (while the kids beached it yet again per their choice, hopeless relaxers!). We made it back just in time to strap the bikes back on the trailer and thoroughly irritate Mr Punctual Dude, the guy who was to take residence in our camp once we left and had to wait 15 WHOLE MINUTES to do so... (poor Punctual Guy. We sometimes would like to be him, but he didn't look to happy, having obviously taken great personal pains to show up at EXACTLY the correct time with his stuff and his family, and then had to wait. Makes being the Slow Boats and Wal Mart campers seem that much more appealing..)
So there ya have it: our 5 day vacation in a nutshell (sortof).
We reconnected, felt the joy and pain of what it means to be a family, holed up in a metal box for days on end, realizing that even tho what we have is fractured and dysfunctional, is precious nonetheless.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Har De Har Har Har...


As a former (reaaallly bad) gymnast, I find this completely funny, yet still amazing...look at how strong the guy is; even in parody, he's still impressive! Sigh!

p.s. interesting little diet factoid: the shorts I could barely squeeze into a few weeks ago are now so loose that I can almost pull them off without unbuttoning them, strange. But other than feeling a little more toned, think I look exactly the same, which is even stranger.. (BDD? ya gotta wonder)

We'll be spending hours and hours on our bikes over the next few days up at Peninsula State Park, wheeeeeeeeeeeee! We used to average 30-50 miles a day some days when the kids were little (and didn't complain as much), not sure if we'll be able to match that, but we'll certainly try. Maybe said shorts will simply fall off of their own accord once we return home, and wouldn't THAT be entertaining?

Hopefully we'll be able to bring the motorcycles as well and check out the peninsula SANS the geebish motorhome, which gives me the worst car sickness *ever*, esp when navigating narrow, winding roads. There's a certain romance to exploring Door County via motorcycle, making a lovely and long overdue trip even more so.

Death Wish 2000

Something strange yet not entirely unpredictable is happening to my husband and his friends:
My guy is older than me, yet 99% of the time he doesn't act like it... but it's becoming clear that in spite of this, his DNA is well apprised that he's firmly entrenched in his middle age.

So what are all these middle aged guys starting to do?

Buy motorcycles, that's what. And not only are they buying the dang things, but they're planning extensive, cross country trips, buying waterproof chaps and hideous, space age boots they can barely walk in that are supposed to make a long, uncomfortable journey less so (how? Je ne sais pas!)

It's almost as if their genetic makeup is saying, "look guys, most of you weren't supposed to make it thru the 70's, being seriously testosterone soaked meatballs and such... quite a few of you narrowly dodged the AIDS crisis of the 80's, and really, since you have far exceeded my expectations for life span, it's long overdue that you start to think about how to eliminate yourself from the gene pool".

And truly, what's the best and most efficient means of accomplishing that?
Buy a motorcycle.

Well, having worked with a few realllly miserable old people this past week at the hospital, a quick and dramatic ending might be the wise choice, after all... let's just hope that fate is kind to these foolish, aging men and they don't live out the remainder of their days on a spinal cord injury unit.

But good god! Leather chaps on a paunchy, balding dude? If fate is kind to *me*, let the vision be removed from my mind, such that I won't be tormented with it for evermore.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Regular:

A really interesting phenomena is happening with my daily bike rides on the local trail:
I'm becoming a regular.
Which basically means that some of the more routine riders are becoming familiar, and even though I have never spoken to any of them, have begun to construct identities for them:
There's a skinny older guy who rides pretty much the same route I do, the 10 mile loop. He plugs away at it at a fairly quick pace, but in blue jeans and a button up, plaid shirt.
What's the deal, plaid shirt guy?
Maybe he has yet to discover the wonders of lycra and the beneficial effect being jeans-free will have on his nether parts.
And then there's the driven, sporty guy I see all over the dang place, on he bike trail and most of the roads surrounding our property. He's well appointed in his schnazzy bike duds and helmet, super cool Lance Armstrong glasses (no doubt), and flies like the wind on the trails, kicking my ass (fo shizzle!).
That guy is out there, rain or shine, tearing up the roads and bulking up his already dreamy thighs... sigh! I avoid eye contact for fear that I will get lost in his athletic fabulousness... but I digress (je m'excuse, tee hee).
Why is he there everyday, how can he go so fast? (In defense of fastness, tho, I rode a hard 10 miles in under 45 minutes tonight-- getting faster all the time, wheeeeeeee!)
Then there's the middle aged gal who rollerblades with her teenage daughter; she's made great progress in her technique since I first saw her out there, looking most timid and afraid of how hard the ground is, and how far away.
Today, she was flying down the trail, looking triumphant and a wee bit more slender...
And every so often I'll see an older lady cruising on the trails on a bike with an empty baby seat... she gives a general air of unfriendliness, doesn't like to connect and give the perfunctory "hi" and nod as you whiz past her. She looks a little exotic, like a misplaced gypsy woman who is wary of strangers, even those she sees daily on the bike trail.

You have to wonder: why are we all here, day after day?

Each of us has a story to tell, a motivator that keeps us returning to the sore ass and sweaty, bugs in our teeth trail.
It would be nice if each of us had a sign, indicating our particular driving force (and/or pathology):
"Recent Divorce" (the reason a co worker quit smoking a couple years ago and became a triathelete, losing over 100# in the process), "Sexually Frustrated", "Tired of Being Overweight", "Running Away From My Husband and Kids", "Proving to Myself That I Can Do It"... all these reasons and more (altho I think the dude with the plaid shirts could slip his frustrations down a notch with some fashion tips and a trip to Kohl's).

But I'll continue to keep a lookout for my compatriots of cycling, united perhaps not by what drives us but by the wind in our hair and the benefits it affords us all.
p.s. went shopping today, and I'm down a SOLID pants size, and then some...and with only the slightest bit of sucking, can nearly visualize my belly being as flat as it was before I gained all that weight. I'd jump up and down, but am feeling a little faint (just kidding! Actually, I feel pretty awesome, wahoooo!).

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

August..

Allow me to grouse for a moment, as the month of August just isn't my favorite, for a variety of reasons:
#1) Everything smells bad; not sure if it's all the heat and humidity that brings out the stank in everything, but there's a pervasive air of rottenness to this month.
#2) Too many @!&%# bugs. Maybe it's cause we set a veritable cornucopia of items from the garden on the counter to rot (which ties in with #1 above), but it's hard to walk thru the kitchen without kicking up a storm of fruitflies (which will eventually make their way into your wineglass and into your mouth).
#3) Everyones gots the antsies, trying to squeeze moments of profound summer-y fabulousness into every last drop of the remaining break. The spectre of school looms heavily over the children, such that if they aren't entertained every waking moment of the day, it is a day lost, and much parental guilt ensues.
#4) You can feel autumn in the air, and it feels SCARY, like 20 degree below days (I'm projecting BIG time, all the way into winter..), nostrils freezing together, scraping windows before work when you're already leaving 5 minutes too late, fall on your ass on the ice scary. Bah!

I'm sure there's more, but I'll spare you the details...

The diet, such as it is (otherwise affectionately know as "the eating disorder") is going swimmingly; I haven't eaten basic carbs for a month now... no bread, rice, sugar, treats, etc... and I've lost a whole whopping 10 or so pounds:-(
(insert "wha whaa whaa whaaaa" sound here).
I'd love to be skin and bones by now, but I guess since it's taken me a whole lot more than a month to put the dang weight on, it'll take quite a bit longer to get it off.... boo.
I've also been fairly fastidious with my bike riding, averaging at least 10 miles per day (+/-). But what the heck am I going to do when the above-mentioned hell of winter arrives, and I can no longer vent all my frustrations via bicycle?!
I'm on the lookout for a decent exercise bike, but ho hum! I can already predict it will make a lovely drying rack and/or clothes rack... cause riding nowhere in hot pursuit of nothing will only serve to depress me. I love to GO GO GO, with a destination in mind... maybe I will have to imagine myself pedalling to the land of "Skinny Ass", to hang out with my friends "Size Eight" and "Flat Belly", beloved and sorely missed companions of old.
Not only did Jake and I ride our bikes into town for dinner, but Maggie and I tore it up on the service road, riding about 2 miles up and down, up and down... she's getting to be quite the good little trail rider, and other than her stopping abruptly to take a poop break every now and again, does a great job of not breaking my bones while I ride my bike and she trots alongside me. We haven't braved the bike trail just yet, but I'm more than happy to run her up and down the road and avoid the pain and embarrassment of her chasing after another dog and breaking my wrist, lol! Maybe next year after she mellows out.

And finally, here's a little blast from the past for a friend (emphasis on "blast"):



Horrific, yes, but essential to the development of the demented adults we have since become (and no doubt is why my hearing is so bad... I remember listening to this at full blast in the back seat of my parent's car with my "cassette walkman".

Shoot it up(and pass the hearing aids...)!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Disgusting But *TRUE* Bike Riding Adventures:

Things that make you question your new love of bike riding:
1) Persistent "crack o the ass" pain-- and, no; you CAN'T put Tiger Balm on it... (you can try, but I highly discourage it).
2) When you get home from a ride, hang out for an hour, and then look in the mirror; to discover that your face is speckled with dead bugs. Isn't there some rule somewhere that if people notice you have dead bugs on your face, they're suppposed to let you know?!
3) Pain in your nether parts (the ones that AREN'T your ass), that can best be described as "chappy lips". This must be why bikers wear goofy looking lycra pantalones vs low rise jean shorts with the thick seam in the crotch.

Anyhoo: I was reminded today of how powerful it is to be seen and noticed-- it's a whole different experience than what I've grown accustomed to, it's quite nice.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Growing Upside Down:

I swear to you that I won't become one of "those people"-- you know, the kind that lists their entire life's album collection and mixed tape selections, all to begin auto play the unfortunate moment you load their blog.
I swear... even though I've done quite a bit of music posting lately.
Perhaps with my recent backtrack to the land of adolescence, music seems to resonate lately the way it did as a kid when every word carried volumes and volumes of meaning-- better than I could ever explain anything on my own.

These gals share my obsession with bike riding (times like a million) and are among my favorites; this song reminds me of right now, as I think I'll be looking at it in retrospect someday:

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Sunday

I am hanging my head in shame:

I just discovered that it's been *six whole days* since my last blog!
But I have to tell ya, it's all the fault of that dang job of mine.
I discovered at a wee young age that employment interferes with all sorts of fun, blogging among them. I worked a whole heap o days last week, all of them crazy hectic psychotic days, the ones where you get home and either crawl on the couch for the duration of the evening and begin drinking heavily, or jump on the bike and squeeze a ride in before the lethargy hits you.

Mostly, I jumped on the bike.

It's wonderful to be a working stiff when the kids are away, as very little time needs to be spent on feeding people... one night I brought Jake home some drug rep luncheon leftovers (that had been sitting out for 4 hours, shhhhh...), and another I left him to fend for himself while I scarfed down a handful of nuts and called it a day (only a smidgen simpler than my personal favorite-- "peanut butter on a stick"-- single girl dinner of old).

Since I started adding more carbs to my diet, the "I'm never hungry" thing went away, and I'm hungry pretty much all the time again, but ohwell. The same will power that keeps me from running away to join the circus every time the children or my husband drives me crazy will have to suffice to keep me from stuffing my face at every waking moment, and so far, so good... I don't look like a supermodel or even like a refugee from a work camp just yet, but I'll keep plugging away at it until my diet goals are met;-)

On a whole different note, I was freakishly attacked yesterday by our rescue kitty: the little snot faced monster latched his razor sharp claws deep into the flesh of my neck and then proceeded to claw his way down my back. I look like a slasher victim...
Someone seriously needs to take this cat off our hands, as I'm starting to have "squish like bug" fantasies involving cute little kitties. Mr. Charlie cat would like his ass on a platter as well; I thought the boys would be getting along by now, but no deal, and he's made it clear that it's going to have to be him, or the kitty-- Charlie's already made a little place for himself out by the chicken coop in the tall garden flowers that he hides in during the day to get away from his nemesis. Poor guy...and since Charlie has never gone Ginsu on my tender parts, there's no contest as to who will be evicted.

So things are finally starting to get back to normal after the "great life assessment and 20 year reunion" upheaval.
In the aftermath, and much to my pleasure, I've been left with a nifty bike riding obsession (great time to think *and* abuse your body at the same time, both useful for catharsis) and the jump start of an awesome weight loss plan (I had no appetite for weeks as I was pondering all manner of weighty, existential issues, or at least the very best ones I could manufacture...). Now, weeks later, I've emerged on the other side, thinner, more muscular, and sporting a new sense of self. Not a bad experience overall.

In another embarassing move, I did something kindof funny today. Whilst on the bike trail this morning, I took every opportunity to make comments to each and every meatball who had their LARGE, mostly uncooperative dogs off leash. How irritating... the trails are all clearly marked "keep your dogs leashed", but obviously that doesn't apply to the people who own unruly, oversized animals. It's people like that that make it very difficult for people like me to walk my smaller, well behaved dog on the trail, as being confronted by bigger, unleashed dogs makes her very tweaky (especially since being bitten). My most recent combination of vitamins and new found sense of self must be making me BOLD, lol! It felt good to be so sassy, RARRRRRRRRRR!

So much more to say, so little time left in my last remaining day of freedom before the work week starts anew.... maybe I can continue this later when the sun goes down and I don't feel so bad for blogging while it's so nice outside.

Later: even though I am clueless about all things mechanical, I have developed a freakish mind-meld connection with my bike. As I was riding it the other day, it felt strange-- and altho I couldn't see anything wrong with it (see "clueless" statement above), I knew something was wrong... subtle, but wrong.
Sure enough, pedaling even on the easy stretches got harder and harder, and while I wanted to chalk at least some of it up to out of shape slugginess, knew that it wasn't just me.
I got home, and noticed that the rear tire now had visible damage, and was splitting at the rim.
So off to the bike shop I went, and not only did I get my tire replaced on my very own like a Big Girl, but I broke down and got a brand, spankin new saddle that is booty-lectable and hopefully won't make me quite as sore as my old one.
and P.S.:

Can you tell that I've been listening to the dance club channel (#36 on Sirius Satellite Radio) all week now? Loooooooove it!
Tell me, what does this video make you want to do?
I'll let 'cha think about it...

Monday, August 4, 2008

Light Blogging Day:


Today, while Grace and I were in the car, this *brilliant* song came on the radio. It's quite possibly my favorite forgotten song in the world, which speaks a volume or two about me...
And these are totally my people, my tribe--where o where can they be?

I would love nothing more than to wear a patterened body suit and platform heels and rock out on a spiral platform, if only it wouldn't traumatize my children;-0

The only bad thing is that I'm sure to have a tiny, disembodied head singing backup vocals in my brain all day tomorrow...

Best iPhone video ever, too.

oooHlaLAALALlalalalala!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Viva la Hangover!

Long overdue chats with old friends + bottle of wine= feeling like death the next day, oy! (ok, it was 1/2 bottle, I've become a major lightweight...)

But it's worth the occasional hangover to be able to connect and reminisce, figure things out, offer apologies for things said and done when we were new and just starting to build the pathologies that were to become the foundation of our adult selves.

How can you adequately apologize for being an alcohol sodden idiot, for mistakes made 20 years ago, for things you did/things that were done to you that weren't intentional (see "alcohol sodden idiot" admission above)?

You can't.

Given the right collection of circumstances, anyone can be a fuck up-- especially when the whole world is before you and you're still clueless as to how it all comes together. Throw in some alcohol, and there's no telling what you can destroy; friendships being the first among the casualties, self worth a close second.

And how easy it is to forgive yourself when you barely remember the details-- drinking is fairly insidious that way-- but one day, even if it's many years later, you'll learn that not everyone forgets...

Is there ever forgiveness? A pseudo-resolution that doesn't involve deeply buried anger disguised as forgiveness? Dunno.
I've forgiven all sorts of stuff over the years, mostly 'cause it required too much energy to remember, to continue being angry, and because I sometimes can distance myself from the offending party (even moving away forever, but I'm discovering lately that this has it's own repercussions...).

Well, my old friend: the world has chewed us both up and spit us out, strangely in close proximity to each other once again... please accept my apology for being young and stupid, for hurting you. I didn't mean it.
And please accept my apology for not remembering, perhaps the shittiest thing of all.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Cry For You:


Tres 80's, no?

I have a new found obsession with this song, if only for today (fickle girl!)... the lyrics are a wee bit sad, tho:-(
This was our Zumba warmup song, which is probably a subliminal indication that I need to get back to class. I <3 heart Zumba, the most fun you can have with your clothes on, hands down.
I have to tell ya, tho: the song really kept my wheels turning tonight when I was too sore to keep going... I think my thighs and all their connected parts need a break for a couple days before I start riding to work each day.
Bike riding trivia:
I think I really like to ride my bike because--every so often--I catch a whiff of something that reminds me of my childhood. You never get more than one inhalation of whatever it is before it's gone, but being transported to places, albeit briefly, is pretty magical and well worth the sore spots.

Oh good lord, Grace just turned on "Titanic"; not 100% sure if I can watch it, too many angsty sort of issues contained therein: wealth vs character, freedom vs the expectations and limits that privilege brings... the painful dance. Me? I'd rather be the self made gal who has the option to thumb her nose at the status quo and slum it up in steerage, always the better party. The option is the key, though.
And should our gal have married the rich, snooty dude and skipped hanging with the cute, poor guy? Meh. Not sure. Pretty much everyone died afterwards, so she might as well...obviously, the girl got one good roll in the hay she would never forget, always a useful thing when you're old and reminiscing... interesting times, to be sure. I recently read the book: "Devil in the White City", absolutely fascinating recount of the era just prior to the Titanic.

Happy Happpy Joy Joy (but dangit, does my back hurt...)

Marital satisfaction ratings are quite high today, as husband gave me the nod to do one my very favorite somethings...


wreck stuff!



Yeeeeeeee-ha!
There's only one thing that I dislike in a household more than whiny children and stinky catboxes, and that's

CARPETING.
Ewwwwww, hate it!


Look at that gray stuff in the picture above... it's a thick pile of dirt that's been living under the carpet that I was only too glad to vacuum up FOR-EVAaaAhhhhhhHhhhhhh!

I think carpeting's vile, a permanent receptacle to hold all manner of gross stuff you THINK is getting vacuumed and shampooed up, but never really does: puppy pee/vomit, spilled things, and all that nasty shit you bring in the house on your shoes. Bleck.

Well, no more- now we just have to find and install some flooring, hopefully something fairly renewable (I put my foot down at laminate, WTF is that stuff, anyway? A photocopy of wood and a boatload of chemicals to hold it in place, lame!).


Jake and Jacob are being their own industrious selves, making good progress on the treehouse outside (photos fothcoming). Such a brilliant move to marry the handy guy, who not only can build a variety of things, but is more than happy to let me tear things up in a useful way (and itsn't too hard on the ole eyes, either;-)


wheeeee!


p.s. meeting with Hans was *most excellent* yesterday. I was having such a good time talking with him that I forgot to listen to the jazz! Hooray for old friends, it's been great to reconnect after all these years:-)

Friday, August 1, 2008

Work:

I decided to do a trial run on my bike to the hospital tonight, and sure enough, it took 28 minutes to get there, for a total of 5.1 miles.
It was a great ride there, practically all downhill (of a sort..), but then the ride home was more challenging: wind in the face, uphill, and tired from the first 5.1 miles rode at full tilt.
Whew!
I got some news yesterday I've decided I'm going to let roll: that I wasn't going to be offered a permanent position after all.
My boss also made it plain that it would be very unlikely that she would *ever* be able to offer me one, due to the mo-fo union and their system that gives anyone in the hospital first choice of positions over me whether they're the most qualified or not... boo.
But maybe it's a blessing as disguise... and I'll treat it as such, until I have any tangible reason to get worried. I still make quite a bit more $$ as a pool staff (at the top of my pay scale) which is a nice perk... and not having to do call hours is sweeeeeeeeeeet!
So sometimes being rejected is a good thing, and when I show up to work hot, sweaty, and tired next week I won't have the slightest bit o guilt about it, neither (bwahahahahaaaaa!)

Thursday, July 31, 2008

New Infatuation, So Sweet...

I've discovered a new love of my life, and it is my delightful iPhone:


I have had many conversations over the past few weeks with fellow iPhone-iacs, from the staff at work who texts me to the super cool pediatrician gal I met last week who secretly texts the cute coach of her kid's t-ball team, while her husband sits nearby (purely platonic, she assures me).
With my phone, I'm able to do things I never could otherwise: chat with people on the sly (I've had more conversations with my daughter lately with the unlimited texting than I've had since the onset of adolescence, esp since she's been holed up at camp for 2 weeks and unable to call), send emails any time of the day (I was sending and reading emails over lunch today while I was chatting with my co-workers, yay!), a well as putting the world at my fingertips, any waking moment of the day. It's been tremendous fun.
Falling in love has been an interesting process, fairly uncontrollable, and hard to determine if it's just lust or the novelty of new features, the titillation of trying new things like texting while listening to iTunes, while receiving a call, while reading my favorite blogs-- all at the same, fabulous time.
So functional! So flexible! And I hear there's DOZENS of optional applications I can peruse to make my phone even more splendid:
http://iphoneapplicationlist.com/
http://www.apple.com/webapps/

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, thinking about all the things I can do with my beloved phone, and I look forward to all the fun it can offer me;-)

So in homage to my new obsession, I include here a montage of my other favorite Apple (Fiona-- whose CD I found the other day while cleaning out the car. I forgot what a complicated, beautiful voice she has, lovely!):

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My body feels different...

It must be all the bike riding. My legs feel more toned, my arms leaner... my ass perpetually sore.
I'm hoping to be able to ride my bike to work tomorrow and each work day over the next two weeks when Jacob is away at camp. It's only 4.5 miles and should take 20-30 minutes, and hopefully won't make me too nasty sweaty for my patients.

Tonight we took a quick ride up to Uncle Harry's for ice cream in an effort to lure Jacob off the computer, and it ended up getting dark much earlier than we anticipated, so we rode home in the pitch black night-- cool!
The darkness of the wooded bike trail was lit up with the occasional flicker of lightning bugs, and it was eerie silent except for the crickets and the sound of our tires on the pavement. And other than the swarms of bugs that went up our noses and in our eyes, it was a great ride (and no, I didn't have any ice cream, but my unsweetened cranberry water was quite lovely, tyvm).

Dinner tonight (minus the bread, I'm going low carb):

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Today:

Was a strange one; Jake had his colonscopy and was by far the LOOPIEST patient I've ever worked with. He was like his own intoxicated one man show: slurring his words, repeating himself like 100 times, telling strange tales about hallucinating dogs and whatnot... I saw a new side of him and wonder where that guy lives most of the time 'cause he was reeaally funny.
For a while he was quite insistent on having his picture taken with strange facial expressions, and I couldn't get him to stop fixating on it; I'll post those in a bit.
I don't think Jake and I have ever joked around and laughed like that in all the years we've been together, but it didn't stop us from having one of our classic, old school arguments later in the day, but I'm sure he won't even remember:-)

And today I was able to not only put on my "too tight" shorts, but do yoga in them (because I was too lazy to take them off, mostly)! Ah... starvation, exercise, and the resolution of old teenage angst, always good for the waistline... still 100% glad to have the reunion behind me, fo shizzle.

Monday, July 28, 2008

I promise it'll end soon:

My goal was to get at least 30 miles in today, but as usual, I fell short by the *slightest* margin (28.9 miles, boo), leaving me wanting a little bit more. Story of my life.

Kenosha was quite lovely, as always:

After a very nice segueway, we headed east.

It seems like every trip to Kenosha I take, I have to hit at least two spots: the lake and the cemetery. Odd.
The lure is very pervasive, and I can barely resist...it's almost as if I left pieces of myself behind in my hometown that I keep trying to find. That, and my memory doesn't seem to work the way most people's does: instead of having the ability to sit and recall events, I can only catch snippets of the past, usually through alternative means; smells, sounds, randomly seeing something that triggers a memory, or if someone sits me down and helps me put it together. Thus my past is a disjointed collection of songs, feelings, and mystery odors with the occasional dash of solid reality thrown in (usually by someone else).

The lake is easy enough to figure out, no great mystery there:
Once upon a time, the memories were all happy ones and associated mainly with solitude and friends. I have many fond memories of playing on the rocks, sitting, smoking, contemplating...looking out at the water and feeling the weight of the world, as long as I could stand it.
That, and riding in cars and getting chased, fireworks, moonlit walks on the beach, finding places to make out... and then, later:
The store I opened, that guy I met, the ill advised events that occurred afterwards.
I've come to realize lately that it was these events that led me to leave my hometown, even though I can barely remember them any more. But for years I couldn't go to the lakefront without feeling the weight of bad decisions-- lurking in shadows--revealing to me that your world can change in an instant and take a lifetime to repair.
These days, the ghosts rarely appear and I'm finally able to go back in furtive search of those things I lost.

The cemetery is a quite a bit more complicated... so I'll have to finish this thought a little later.