From the Onion:
Carrot Chocolate Chip Muffins
Many a novice love man errs on the side of putting too much emphasis on the dinner as a means of seduction. This is a mistake. One must remember that all snacks and courses that you prepare for your girl are part of the larger seduction. Often missed but highly important is the fare you provide for her after a long night of sweet lovemaking. The correct breakfast-time food can be the ticket that she will redeem for another night of seduction and doggy style sexing.
Smoove likes these Carrot Chocolate Chip Muffins in his morning meal, easy to prepare and moist. Enjoy.
1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon allspice
2 large eggs
2/3 cup of sugar
1 1/2 cups of finely shredded carrots
1/4 cup orange juice
5 tablespoons of warm, melted unsalted butter
1/2 cup of chopped walnuts
1/2 cup of mini chocolate chips
The first thing that you will want to do is pre-heat the oven to 400 degrees. While the oven is heating to this temperature, you will want to grease a 12 muffin tin pan with either butter or non-stick cooking spray. I prefer the cooking spray as it is easy and does not add flavors you may not want. If you prefer your muffins extra buttery, I would then recommend the melted butter.
The next step to take is to mix the eggs and sugar together in a small bowl. Add the finely shredded carrots to this bowl and let the mixture sit for 10 minutes. If you have any doubts as to whether the carrots are shredded finely enough, ask yourself, "Are these carrots shredded finely enough?" If the answer is no, then I suggest that you discard the ones you have and shred some more. Many questions about cooking can be answered if you look deeply within yourself.
Next, grasp a larger bowl and mix together the flour and other dry ingredients, including the spices. Set that bowl aside.
When the carrots have been sitting in the mixture for the required 10 minutes, add the orange juice, butter, walnuts and chocolate chips to that bowl. Now add the contents of that bowl into the bowl containing the flour and seasonings. Make sure that you mix gently. It is important that the mixture is not over mixed. Unlike yourself, the batter should not be smooth.
Add the combined mixture to the individual muffin tins. Let the muffins cook for 15 to 20 minutes, or if you think they are done insert a toothpick into the center of one. If the toothpick comes out clean, the muffins are completed. Let the muffins cool for five minutes, then remove from the tin.
One thing that you may want to do is make a loud noise about five minutes before the muffins are done so that your girl wakes up and walks into the kitchen just as the muffins are cooling. Have a selection of juice and expensive coffee ready for her. And also have cream.
Lobster For Two
Quail For Two
Corn For Two
Smoove's kind of politics :
Oh! And it's *finally* happened... another of my fantastic ideas has been burgled, stolen out from under me. I've said many a time over the past few months that my beloved iPhone has identified and met my every need: to satisfy my curiosity (Google), find my way (Mapquest), chat with friends (via Facebook), even to get a little jiggy with the husband via texting, wheeeee!
But there's been one leetle tiny thing that's missing.
Enter the iPhone vibrating massager app:
Gee... I wonder what THAT's for???
I really don't think I'm ready to take my relationship with my phone to that next level, but since it was free, I downloaded it anyway;-)
But I'm totally not getting this: well, not today anyhow...